How to Discuss a Past Abortion With Your Partner

When you had your abortion, you probably never imagined it might have a long-lasting impact on your life and future. Many women struggle with different emotions after their abortion, even if it felt like the right decision at the time. Sometimes those emotions show up right away, sometimes taking years to surface. They can affect relationships, and figuring out how to navigate conversations about your abortion can feel challenging.

Here are some helpful tips as you prepare to share this significant past decision with your current partner. If you need a sounding board or need help working through emotions tied to your abortion, we can help with that, too.

Choose the Right Moment

Select an intentional, private time when you’re both relaxed and able to focus. Avoid bringing it up during stressful situations or conflicts. Starting the conversation gently can help you approach the discussion more clearly and openly. 

Let your partner know you have something you want to share, and that it may be difficult for him to hear, so that he can be more emotionally and mentally prepared for the conversation.

Share Your Feelings Honestly

It may feel uncomfortable, but honesty about your emotions allows your partner to understand your experience fully. Expressing vulnerability can lead to deeper intimacy and trust. Don’t be afraid to share about your regret, guilt, grief, and other feelings you’ve experienced over the years since the abortion.

As you share, you should also allow him to express his emotions. He may be shocked and upset or simply supportive, empathetic, and understanding; he may also experience a mixture of different emotions. Give him space to feel them without pressure. 

Provide Context

Sometimes, helping your partner understand the circumstances that led to your abortion decision can encourage empathy and compassion. You don’t need to explain your choice, but giving context can help invite him into what you were going through at the time, especially if he didn’t know you then and doesn’t know anything about that season of your life yet.

Emphasize Your Relationship’s Future

Reassure your partner that you’re sharing about this painful period of your life because it’s a significant part of your story and one you want him to understand. All good and healthy relationships are built on a foundation of trust, which requires vulnerability. Inviting him into this part of your story takes courage, especially since you can’t know how he’ll respond. 

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Facing past decisions and complicated emotions can feel isolating, and if you haven’t fully processed and worked through how your abortion has impacted your life, we can help. At our center, you’ll find compassionate support and resources to help you navigate your feelings and relationships.

If you need help preparing for this conversation or simply want to talk through your feelings first, reach out today.